Reflections

Yesterday was Emma's first birthday. I cannot believe that a year has passed already! It's a happy moment, and yet a sad one as well. I want my little girls to stay little, but time just keeps moving on. In all reality I understand that they have to grow and change into young women. Eventually some day they will be all grown up, maybe married, and possibly with children of their own. I think that's a hard reality to face for any mother, and I think it's an emotion you cannot truly understand until you have kids of your own. I do know that as each year passes I will try my hardest to support them through every decision, and allow them to lead the life they feel is best (within reason, of course! ha ha!)

All said and done, I am proud of my family, my life. There have been so many people along the way, even my closest family members, who have questioned and criticized my decisions. I think back to all of the hurtful things that were said when I became pregnant with Ellie by those who were supposed to support me the most...Or the reaction of some when I got married...or changed majors in college...or stayed with Kevin when he worked on the road no matter how hard it was. It seems that so many had an opinion to give ( I won't list names), with very few (Sarah, Daddy, Jill, Jen) just holding my hand through it all and supporting me. I wonder if those who forcefully gave their opinion regret those words now, or if they still stand by what they said. Either way it makes no difference, I suppose. I am who I am, I do what I do, I love who I love, and I live my life as I feel I should. I have grown thick skin due to others actions...and I have come to realize that is not totally a bad thing. I hope my girls have thick enough skin to follow their hearts as well...though I DO hope that I am NOT the one who causes it to thicken. I will offer my opinion when asked, I will always fight for their safety...but I will NOT put my predetermined notions and expectations onto their shoulders. Those are for me to deal with, and my insecurities are NOT the issue of my children. I want to be a lifelong mommy, who is always just a phone call away, who becomes a friend in later years.

So my dear Emma, and my darling Ellie, live your lives!! I love you both so dearly, and have enjoyed watching my little angels grow and change. I will always be your mommy, and nothing will ever take away the love for you that fills my heart.