If you were to take a photograph of my life this is what you would see: One 26 (almost 27) year old woman with three BEAUTIFUL little girls, two BEAUTIFUL not so little anymore stepdaughters, one stand-by-me husband and one rewarding job. A very pretty picture if I do say so myself. However, as the saying goes, things are not always what they may seem. PLEASE do not get me wrong...I am VERY happy with all of the things I listed above...but lately I have started to wonder if there is not something more out there, something I am missing, something I should be doing that I haven't discovered yet.
Honestly, I have felt this way for years. I once thought that what I was missing was children. Obviously that's not the case, as I now have enough children to run my own school but the feeling still remains. I once thought that what I was missing was a dedicated, long term relationship. Kevin and I have been (almost always) happily married for nearly 5 years and so that cannot be it. That brings me to my job. This, I think, is the problem. I LOVE Goodwill. As a company it is a stand-up one, dedicated to its mission of helping others. My co-workers are wonderful, I couldn't ask for more. Still, I think that this may not be the profession for me. I think that I want to stay in human services...Perhaps marriage and family therapy? Not totally sure. So is that what is missing?? Am I missing a piece of me that pertains to my true calling?
Even as I write this I am not sure. The feeling of incompleteness I have runs so deep sometimes that I fear I will never really figure it out. All around me I see people with passion, with inspiration, driven by one thing or another. When I talk to friends they seem so contented with their life, happy with where they are on their path. I think I used to have that. I KNOW I did. When did this change? How did it change? My life has meaning, I know....but perhaps it doesn't hold all of the meaning that it could. A piece of the puzzle is missing.
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