Big Baby-Venting!

This is a venting post. Just so you know what to expect, I want to put it out there right now. Today is a full blown "Laura Is Annoyed" day.

Ellie has been sick for the past few days with a cold (not what I am annoyed about), and she's been a real trooper. Today Kev and I were going to have the girls stay with Dad so we could run some errands and Santa could get a few more stocking stuffers. Plus I didn't want to take her out in the bitter cold when she's been feeling so icky lately. Anyways, about 45 minutes before we were supposed to go Kev tells me he's not feeling well either. So, of course, I said we could go a different day. That really didn't bother me. What bothers me is what a BABY he is when he's sick. Are all men like this?? He plays the "poor me" card to the point I can't help but roll my eyes. I know, I know...that sounds terrible of me...but this is what really gets me. Hear me out. When he was on the road I cannot count the number of times I was sick and still had to get my butt up, take care of the girls, go to work, make dinner, run baths, read stories, etc. I sure as heck didn't have anyone making me warm drinks and soup, keeping the house quiet while I slept, etc. Mommy's aren't supposed to get sick. It's in the job description. I get that. Still, shouldn't that go for fathers as well?? Even when Kev's home and I'm sick it's really no different. At the very least I get hounded by a million and one questions that any grownup should be able to figure out if they put their mind to it and didn't rely on another to do everything for them. It's to the point that when I feel terrible I don't even mention it anymore. More trouble than it's worth I guess. Kev's not at that point yet. He has no problem letting everyone know that he doesn't feel good, and has no problem telling me what I should do about it. UGH!!!!

Man, this sounds horrible of me doesn't it? I know it does...but I can't help it. Kev's mom is a kind caring woman who I am sure did all she could for him when he was sick...and that's great. But boy oh boy has it made my job tough as a wife!! It's times like these is when I feel like a terrible wife. Maybe I am. Oh well.

All I Want For Christmas Is Inspiration

Last night Kev and I watched the movie "Julie and Julia." I LOVED it!! I found the story cute and the acting was great. More than that, though, I found it very inspirational. Basically a movie about two women who find their passion in life the message was clear: Do what you love, and love what you do. However after the movie was over I was left feeling a little, well, sad. I love my life, my children, my husband. I would NEVER, and I mean this with every fiber of my being, trade what I have for anything else. Yet it is normal for me to feel as though something is missing, something inside of myself that just isn't "right." I am missing my personal passion...Not the passion I find in being a mommy or a wife, both of which are on a level all its own...but a passion inside of me for something larger than me. A fire. A spark.

I used to find passion in music, and I still do. However when I tried to pursue this passion in college I found the schedule so stressful that I began to lose the passion. Doing what I loved constantly caused my love to dwindle. So, I quit my studies as a music major. After that I did a lot of musicals, played in some community groups, etc. Since moving to Minnesota, though, I have not found a way to replace that...I went from having music in my life all of the time to not having it at all. I have looked for local groups here but have come up empty handed. I have offered to tutor music students but with no luck.

I am at the point now where I feel as though I need something new to keep me going, to light my inner passion. Art perhaps? But I'm not really very good....I enjoy writing, but I never really know what to write about...

All of this is why I would like to ask Santa this year for a little bit of inspiration. I want some of my fire back...some of my passion....And if he can't deliver, well, I don't know who can.

Great Escape

My girls escaped the other day. Let me explain...Since Kev has been laid off we have gotten into a routine of I do all the night feedings and wakings for the girls and then Kev gets up with them in the morning so I can sleep for a few hours. The other morning I woke him up as usual at about 6:30 and I went back to bed. Apparently when he went into the living room he promptly laid on the couch and fell back to sleep. Not smart. Ellie and Emma took advantage of this. Armed with a roll of quarters and our mail key they decided to take a through the apartment to go see Grandpa. I woke up and came out into the living room to find Kev snoring away and the girls no where in sight. I not so gently woke Kev up and in a call voice SCREAMED at him "Where are the girls?" Not a moment later did I realize that the door was unlocked. As I opened the door to run out into the hall I saw my dad coming down the hall with Ellie and Emma. Needless to say I was relieved, but I was also FURIOUS!!!!! If you might remember it was also on Kev's watch that Ellie escaped a couple of years ago in winter wearing a diaper and boots to walk down the street with her Easter basket. That was an experience I did not think would happen twice. Boy was I wrong...And trust me, boy was he sorry!!

They Are Coming To Take Me Away, Haha....

My father used to have an old record with that song on it. "They're coming to take me away, haha...they're coming to take me away hehe, hoho, to the funny farm..." Haven't heard that song in ages. Strange that it's what came to mind at about 4:00am last night when I was trying to get Elana to finally go to sleep. I know I was lucky with my first two girls, both of which started sleeping most of the night almost right after birth. Not so with this one. In fact, she wouldn't even consider going to sleep last night until so late that I consider it morning. Ashamed as I am do admit it, if the men in the white coats HAD showed up last night I think I would have gotten down on bended knee and begged to be locked away. In fact, the only thing that kept me from picking up the phone and calling the men in the white coats myself was the undeniable reality that if I am gone all of the parenting responsibilities go to Kevin...And as much as I want my girls to learn and grow I do now want them learning math via an online poker site or eating their weight in Cheese and Salsa. Guess I will stay put...

I Am Thankful For You

It's that time of year again when, for me at least, things are always put back into perspective. I openly admit that throughout the year I am prone to focusing on negatives or stresses that are present in my life. Like a lot of people I am sad to say that on a day to day basis it is normal for me to overlook those things in my life that I should be most thankful for. Those that I AM most thankful for. So here's a little blog to remind myself how good I have it...

My Family: I can't stress this enough. I am so thankful for my little girls. Though life can be a little crazy at times with three little ones, all constantly on the go, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have a wonderful support system in my husband and parents. Kevin and I have been through a lot but I think we are a stronger couple because of it. He has given me three wonderful girls and they are a reminder everyday of our love. All I have to do is look around and I am instantly reminded of those who love me most.

My Friends: Honestly, I think I have the BEST group of friends that anyone could ask for, both in Michigan and in Minnesota. Though I don't see my friends nearly enough they have not deserted me and still give me the unending support they always have. Whether I am on the phone with Sarah, chatting with Jill or emailing Jen or Lindsay I always end the conversation feeling so much better than I did before it started. Then every day I go to work with the greatest group of girls (I guess I should say women) that anyone could ask for. We take our job seriously, but we don't take ourselves seriously and that makes all the difference :D I love you ALL!!!

There are so many other things I am thankful for: Having a job, a home, food every day, etc. Sure, we could stand to live in a larger place and have a little more money in the bank...but all in all I have more than a lot of people and possibly more than I deserve. To all of you who play a part in my life...THANK YOU!!!

Days and Nights

Day, night...night, day. It seems that my newest bundle of joy has not yet figured out which is which. For the most part Elana is a quiet, serene baby. She can sleep in the noisy living room with no problem, is not bothered by lights and can even rest when her sisters try to attack her. Unfortunately for mommy she seems to do most of this sleeping when she's supposed to be awake. Ugh. As of right now Kevin and I are able to tag team her and get a little rest each...BUT he leaves on Sunday to go back to work and I have NO IDEA how I am going to handle things then. I get all shaky when I think about being up with Elana all night and then having to drag my butt out of bed at 6:00am when the girls get up. Heaven help me. Most of the time I pride myself on the amount of energy I have and what I can do with the three girls...but I am afraid that if tested with this particular situation I will fail miserably. I guess I will know soon enough!

On the plus side my little punkin' is eating like a champion. It has come to the point where I don't think breastfeeding is enough so my Dr. suggested that I supplement with formula. She will drink 3-4 oz at a time which for my girls is just CRAZY. Hopefully she will climb up the growth chart a bit though I am not going to hold my breath on that one.

I'm Back! Labor Update

I have Internet again!! WOOHOO!! For all of the blogs I have missed I am sorry and I will do my best to catch up ASAP. I have missed reading about what is going on with all of my friends!

Most of you know what is going on with me but I will use this as my update post all the same. On November 6th at 10:41pm Elana Kathleen Britting was born. The entire labor was somewhat odd, nothing like what I have experienced with my previous two. First off I was induced, something I have never gone through. I had been feeling crummy for a while and my Dr. felt that induction was the best option (I LOVE THIS DR!) So I arrived bright and early at the hospital on the morning of the 6th. They set me up in my room and explained what they were going to do. I was to get 4 doses of a pill designed to get me ready for labor, each dose being 4 hours apart. After this I would be given pitocin for contractions. My Dr. explained that I would probably not have the baby until the next day, Saturday. Not what I wanted to hear, but at least I knew she was coming.

So Kevin and I got comfortable, thinking we wouldn't see some action for a while. I got my first dose of meds at around 9:00am or so. Not much happened. Some light contractions but that's about it. Second dose was given between 4 and 5 hours later...At first not much else happened, but soon I started to get regular "medium" contractions. By medium I mean that I was able to talk and/or breath through them. When my Dr. came in around5 or 6 I was at 3 cm and about 50% effaced. She asked me to get up and walk around, shower, etc. She then instructed the nurse to give me the third dose after I was done showering and that she would see me in the morning. I said "a-ok" and told her to have a good night. I spent some time walking around like she asked...and it wasn't long before the contractions became more intense.

Around this time Kevin left to get dinner. It was also about this time that I called him and told him to come back. LOL. The nurse gave me the third dose of meds around 8:00. Up until this point I had no pain meds, etc. That was all about to change. After about 10 minutes with the third dose of meds I was ready for something. The contractions were hard and very very VERY intense. First they tried to give me a narcotic, but all it did was make me feel drunk and shake like a leaf. Not gonna cut it.

At 9:30 I was at 3 1/2 cm and received my epidural. Around 10:15 a nurse came in and said that something was happening to the baby's heart beat and that she wanted to check me. The news was a surprise...I was a full 10 cm!! I thought Kev was going to pass out when he heard that. Neither he nor I nor the nurse thought that I would go from 3 1/2 to 10 in less than one hour. Apparently my Dr. didn't think so either because when they called her to let her know she didn't believe them. It took some convincing for her to get out of bed and drive back to the hospital. LOL. I will NEVER EVER forget my Dr. running in with messed up hair, sweat pants and a long sleeved Kansas City Chiefs shirt on. As I learned later she was still so out of it that after the delivery it took her until the next morning to really figure out that she had delivered my baby, LOL.

I began pushing at 10:39. At 10:41 I was done. No joke. My water didn't even break until Elana was born. Apparently this is unusual because my "quickie delivery" is all I heard about for the rest of my stay in the hospital. As for me, I was just happy that I had delivered a beautiful baby girl :D

Sooooo...that's my delivery story. Elana is now 2 weeks and 1 day old and is fitting in perfectly with our little family. Ellie loves getting me diapers and being my little helper. Emma just kind of looks at Elana and laughs...She calls her "Lana." As for me, the hormones are starting to balance out a bit. I am so thankful for Kevin being home and the help I have been getting from my dad and mom. I am really starting to believe that I can do this, that I can handle being a mommy to all three girls...Not that I didn't think so before, but there was always some fear...Now I am no longer afraid of what I will or won't do...I am too busy worrying about what the three crazy ones will do!

Going Away For A While

Sadly I will be going away, taking a break from Blogging for a while. As we do not have Internet at my apartment, or a working computer for that matter, I have been relying on my lunch times at work to blog. As of tomorrow I will not be at work for a while...this will most likely significantly hinder my blogging. I will try to keep facebook updated via my cellphone so that I am not totally out of the loop.....Oh technology, how I will miss you!

Update: 38 weeks

Here is just a pregnancy update....

Today I am 38 weeks along, and to be honest I feel every day. Went to the doctor today and got some medicine...I have been feeling very nauseous again and have had terrible insomnia. Frankly I am worried that if I were to go into labor today or tomorrow I would be too exhausted to do much about it. Other than that not much has changed...I was a little disappointed when she told me that I had not dilated more but she reassured me that since this is my 3rd baby I will probably not dilate more until the "hard labor" hits. (Hate that term, Hard Labor. I think all labor is hard.)

This has been a REALLY tough week...My neighbor from our house in Zimmerman lost her baby this weekend. She was due ONE DAY after me!!! For some reason that they still don't know between her weekly appointments her baby stopped breathing. She had to go through labor and have the baby stillborn...a seemingly healthy baby girl over 6 lbs and 19 inches. No cord around the neck, no apparent physical issues....They just don't understand it. Frankly, it scared me SHITLESS (sorry for the language but I think it fits here). I know logically that means nothing for me or my pregnancy but that logical side of me doesn't seem to matter when the emotional side gets involved. I feel so badly for her, I cannot imagine that. A miscarriage is hard enough...now she has had a miscarriage and a stillbirth and she's only 17. On top of it her brother was killed last week in a car accident. He was 21. Sometimes I don't understand life.

Sweatpants!!! YES!!!

It's a happy day for a pregnant mommy...My boss gave me permission to wear comfy pants to work. This includes sweatpants and/or sports pants...and sweatshirts! YES! I cannot tell you what wonderful news this is! :D It seems I bought my maternity pants too early because I only have one pair that fit now. So not only does the fact that I can wear comfy close make me more comfortable, but it keeps me from having to go out and spend a ton of money on pants I will only wear for a few more weeks anyways. YES! :D You know, sometimes it's the small things in life that really make a difference in whether you have a good day or a bad day...

Good Mommy/Bad Mommy

Once again I was alone this past weekend with the girls and I am sad to say that it became a "Good Mommy/Bad Mommy" weekend. Ellie has arrived at the age where she has an opinion about everything (can't imagine where she gets that from!) and isn't afraid to tell you. According to my oldest I did several things this weekend that made me a good mommy. These included:

Played blocks
Bought the girls their Halloween costumes
Watched "A Tigger Movie"
Let Ellie have pizza for dinner
Took them to get a treat when we were in Wal-Mart


Of course, with all of this I also did some "bad mommy" things. These included:

Decided it was Emma's turn to choose a book and not Ellie's
Didn't tuck her bedsheets in right at bedtime
Didn't let her watch a fifth episode of "Max and Ruby"
Wouldn't let her play in the snow when we went out to the car (I can't believe I used the S word)
I yelled at her for closing the closet door on her sister

For me personally I thought I was doing alright most of the weekend. I didn't really get the "Bad Mommy" feeling until Ellie got REALLY mad and said that she wanted to "call her daddy" because he would "tell mommy to be nice." Why is it that kids always long for the parent who is never there? Why is it that I feel jealous when I go out of my way to make sure that Ellie and Emma both are happy, safe and sound and all they want is their daddy? Who took Ellie to her first movie last weekend? Who sits through an entire season of Scooby Doo? Who, at 36 weeks pregnant, still bends down to do a Tidal Wash at bath time?? That would be me, folks! I want them to love their daddy, to miss him, to be happy when he's home...I honestly do. Ugh. I don't know. I think being around my little ones is starting to make me think less like an adult and more like a child.

Been A While

Man, it has been a while since I posted last!! This could be because I have (almost literally) been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. My days have been a blur of going to work, running errands, coming home to 2 very active little girls, doing more work, tossing and turning, sleeping a little...then getting up and doing it all again. On top of it both Ellie and Emma were sick with colds. (Lord I cannot wait for the day when they learn how to really blow their noses!) Of course there is always the regular stuff to get done, like paying bills, grocery shopping, cleaning the house, getting baby stuff ready, and the list goes on. In fact I gave up on keeping a list...it's too depressing.

Kevin has been gone for 2 weeks now and it seems an eternity. I am EXHAUSTED!! He's been gone so long that when Ellie was talking to another little girl yesterday she told her that her daddy was "Dead and Gone." Where that came from I will never know but I made sure to reinforce to Kev that he needs to get his rear end home SOON.

Nesting of a Crazy Person

I think I hit a nesting phase this weekend. In the past my nesting has consisted of wanting to do nothing but curl up with a blanket and a cup of tea. This time, however, was much different. I went into crazy psycho mode if there ever was one. Of course, this could have been partly caused by the fact that I am suffering from severe insomnia so all I do at night is think about things I need to get done. Regardless of the reason all I know for sure is I went a little nuts...I practically held Kevin by knife point and made him complete a (huge) Daddy-Do list. Some of the things that were accomplished include:

Setting up bassinet in our room, crib in nursery
Extensively research bedding sets and prices
Rearrange and organize the girls bedroom
Clean both hall closets and bedroom closet
Dust and vacuum all rooms...twice
Clean off ceiling fans
Clean off baseboards
Wash all windows
Scrub railing on balcony
Wash kitchen floor(which was just done)
Clean and sterilize bottles
Do paperwork for work
Scrub down the dishwasher and microwave
Iron almost all of the girls clothes
Hang a bunch of wall pictures that had just been sitting in boxes
Etc, Etc Etc

Personally, I think I am loosing my mind!!! Kevin and the girls just kind of looked at me funny the entire time, as if they were trying to determine whether or not some alien creature had taken over my body. I wish I could explain to them that it has...that this little baby inside of me is making me do things I normally wouldn't (At least I wouldn't do them all at once)....On the plus side I have not as of yet made my nightly trip to Wal-Mart at 3:00am like I did when I was pregnant with Emma. Perhaps there is hope for me yet!

Ahhh Yes, Now I Remember..

I am almost 34 weeks along now and I have to say that this pregnancy has gone much smoother than previous ones. With Ellie I was depressed and gained too much weight. With Emma I wasn't able to work and had a few scares. However, with baby to be the only thing that has been any sort of bump in the road is when my hip went out, and that I think had less to do with the pregnancy and more to do with trying to pack up an entire house by myself. Lately I've been tired and worn out...and working over 40 hours a week and chasing two other little girls...so nothing of concern. I was starting to think that I was going to sail on through until week 40 with no problems. I even started to forget what the last month and a half or so was like both times before. Then I woke up last night....Ahhh yes, now I remember.

I would like to say "Welcome Back" to the groin pain and the pelvic pressure. Oh how I missed you! Braxton Hicks, well, I almost forgot how uncomfortable you make me when I'm just trying to relax. However, I have bonded with the bathroom lately as I have to pee literally every 5 minutes or so. And I don't think breastfeeding will be an issue this time around as my boobs are all ready ;) Lucky me.

What I DO NOT remember is having all of these things happen so early on before the due date. With Ellie I didn't have hardly any braxton hicks, no pelvic/groin pressure, and no leaky boobs. With Emma I had some pelvic/groin pain but that didn't start until about 4-5 days before I went into labor. Maybe the powers that be know that this is my last pregnancy and have decided to make sure I never forget what it's like......

Energizer Mommy

I stayed home from work sick today...For the past two days I have felt exactly like I did when I was in my first trimester, morning sickness and all. Ugh. The only difference this time is that I am so big I can hardly bend over the toilet. I'm not sure if the baby is pushing on my stomach more than she has been or if it's because of the meds I am on. Whatever the reason I think I would give just about anything to make it go away. I can handle the ickyness......but I can't afford to take a lot of time off of work before the baby comes, and I certainly can't just forget about taking care of the girls and things around the house. I don't get a break from being Mommy just because I don't feel well.

To make it worse Kevin has decided to go back out on the road until the end of October. As one might expect I am less than thrilled about this. I understand he is concerned about our finances while he looks for another job. I get that, I really do. But how can I put this....a huge part of me is just screaming I DON'T CARE!!!! There are days when I work from 7am until 5pm, come home, make dinner, give baths, read stories, etc...This is all fine, well and good...It's what I signed up for when I wanted kids and I wouldn't change it for the world. However, when I had the girls I never thought that I would be doing all of it by myself over 90% of the time. Especially being pregnant. I do my best not to become resentful of Kevin or his decisions but there are days when I wish he could feel what I feel...I need to get him one of those fake bellies to wear around when he's working so he can see what it's like. LOL. Maybe then he'd really understand what it would be like to function as an Energizer Mommy.

A Day of Blissful Baby Shopping

My friends, I think that I can now saw that I have officially entered my "nesting" phase of pregnancy. It seems lately that all I have wanted to do is get the baby's room ready, sort through clothing, start making curtains and a quilt, etc. The logical question to ask is "You already have two girls...What could you really possibly have to do? What could you possibly need?" Truth be told, A LOT!!! It is true that I have no shortage of baby girl clothing. However, most of the items I have were used not only by Emma and Ellie but by my cousins as well...After having a minimum of 3 previous owners they are not in the greatest shape for baby #3. Sooo...I have been doing a lot of sorting, a lot of throwing away, and a lot of hanging and folding. I realized that I have a lot of clothes starting at about 6 months and up but not a lot of newborn. I have also been in desperate need of a swing or bobby seat, a new crib sheet set, and just basic essentials such as sleepers, diapers, etc. Being the type of person I am, however, I do not look at this as a bad thing but a very grand opportunity to go SHOPPING!!! And that is exactly what I did today!!

I made a trip over to Once Upon A Child (OUAC) near where I work. I had never been to this particular store location and was hoping that I could find something useful. Clothes...a swing...a bouncy seat...anything at all that wouldn't break the budget!! Well...I am happy to say that I hit the baby jackpot!!! I found the GRACO baby swing that I have been yearning after for quite a while now...I had refused to spend the $100.00 at Walmart on it, but was more than happy to spend the $40 that they were asking at OUAC. I also found several sleepers and outfits that looked brand new for just a fraction of what they would cost anywhere else. WOOHOO me!! To celebrate my wonderful luck and shopping skills I ventured to the nearby coffee shop afterwards and got a (decaf) latte. Nummy. What a perfect afternoon :D

My Daddy

All of you who are regular readers of my blog know that a couple of years ago my parents divorced. My mom moved out to Arizona and got remarried while my daddy moved to Minnesota and now takes care of my girls. In fact we recently moved into the same apartment complex as him (he's apt. 315, we are apt. 203) Lately I've had a lot of family and friends ask how my dad is doing, I just wanted to give all of you an update on how things are going here since he moved from Michigan. If I had to pick one word to describe my dad's general life at this point it would be: GREAT.

Overall I am AMAZED at how he has adapted out here!! Those of you who have known my family for a while know that my dad has always been a quite, somewhat reserved person. He enjoys watching his sports and playing golf. Well, in the past year and a half or so my dad has become so much more outgoing. He is going dancing regularly and plays volleyball once a week He has also done the following: golfing, bar crawl (can you believe it?), went to the State Fair, flag football, concerts in the park, Twins games, jazz clubs, etc. etc. etc. Amazing, huh? In fact, when I look at this list I get a little jealous, lol! :D

So to sum up my dad's new life, he is spending a lot of good time with his grand kids and enjoying himself with a huge new group of friends. It's my hope that he is as happy here as we are to have him here.

Walmart Violence

I don't know how many of you have heard about the guy in Georgia that slapped a two year old girl. Apparently he was upset because the girl was crying and the mom wouldn't stop it. After telling the mom that if she didn't "shut that kid up" he would "do it for her", the child kept crying. This man then walked several aisles over, picked up the crying girl, and slapped her several times on the face. He then looked at the mother and stated "there I told you I'd take care of it." Another shopper then held the man until security came and the woman pressed charges. The man is now facing felony child abuse charges....well, DUH!

OMG!!! If ANY person EVER, and I mean EVER, did something like that to one of my girls I would HAVE A FIT!!! I am not a violent person, but had that man done that to my family he would spend the better part of the rest of his life searching for his private parts. You do NOT put YOUR hands on somebody's child in any violent manner whatsoever, no matter how much that child is annoying you. Now, I have been in stores, restaurants, etc before where the kids just don't stop whining or crying...and it can get VERY annoying...but not that annoying!

I cannot even start to explain how I felt when I read this story...unbelievable...

Weekend Reflections

This past weekend was the first in a long time that Kevin has not been home. I was honestly a little worried about this...Now, I wasn't stressed about having to spend time with the girls alone. I was more worried about my energy level being able to keep up with theirs. At 30 weeks I am starting to drag a little bit and my stamina is certainly not at a peak level to say the least. However, I was pleasantly surprised at how things went!

On Friday I took Ellie out alone for some one-on-one mommy time. We bought cups from Goodwill for a tea party to be held Saturday...we went to Coldstone for ice cream...we went to Wal-mart for some groceries...All in all we just had a generally good time. That night I made homemade pot pie (thanks Jill!) and we watched cartoons.

On Saturday all Ellie would talk about was the tea party...so after Emma's nap we had our little party, complete with tea (iced), vanilla cakes and cookies. Sugar heaven. Emma did not drink out of a tea cup for those who might be wondering. I'm not that crazy yet. Then Ellie and I worked on her cutting/gluing, we watched a movie and had homemade split pea soup for dinner. Another good day.

Sunday was my day of exhaustion. For some reason my energy level just went down, down, down....so we didn't do much. Emma got her finger shut in the stupid bi fold closet door and didn't want to do much of anything for a while. So I left her with dad and took Ellie to the park for a bit. Then we just played for quite a while around the house....the girls enjoyed putting stickers all over me while I tried to rest on the couch. Nice. Dad came for dinner, and afterwards we just hung out until bedtime. Nothing too thrilling....being awake was enough of an effort for me that I figured I was doing my best. LOL.

Laying in bed last night I was pretty proud of myself. I have always been a hands on type of mommy, not wanting to let the TV do my job for me...but lately trying to balance being a mommy to an unborn baby and a mommy to my two already active little ladies has been a bit stressful. This weekend I proved to myself that I can still do it all, even if it takes me somewhat longer to finish...

I'm big b/c I'm PREGNANT!!!

Ok, another venting post. Seems to be a lot of those lately, but oh well. I am so tired of people WHOM I AM NOT CLOSE TO making comments about how "big" I am and how I am not going to make it the full 9 months of my pregnancy. This annoys me to no end. If a friend or family member and I are joking around about this then no biggie, I could care less. But if I work with you or know you as just an acquaintance, keep your mouth SHUT! Here are some examples:

This is a conversation with a Rehabilitation Counselor that I had the other day"

ME: (sitting in a chair against a wall) Hey!
THEM: What are you doing over there
ME: Hiding...
THEM: You are 7 months pregnant, you can't hide. Haven't you seen those national geographic shows where the elephant tries to hide to feed it's young? It's like that, you just can't hide...
ME: (silence)
RECEPTIONIST: I can't believe you just said that!!
THEM: What?
ME: Oh my god.

Ok, so not the best thing to say to a pregnant lady....Another example is the other day I was walking in a job site and a lady I work with in passing said to me "You are starting to waddle." Ok, no big deal right? Except for the fact that she is WELL over 300 lbs. Nice. Thanks.

I am not in denial that I am big right now. I know I am. I have gotten large with each child...HOWEVER, this time is NOTHING like it was when I was pregnant with Ellie. With Ellie I gained an insane amount of weight, partly b/c I was having thyroid issues that my Dr. wouldn't treat. This time I have not even gained 15 lbs yet and have actually lost weight in my legs, butt, etc. I am ALL baby...and yes, this makes me waddle. So what? The other difference this time is that I have kept my self-confidence up...I have tried to enjoy my last pregnancy, the way I look included. Comments like from people who are next to strangers or co-workers DO NOT HELP!!!!

Only a few months to go...I will keep my mouth shut and deal with the comments...but I warn you, I may bite off my tongue trying!

Are you KIDDING me?

This is going to be a venting post. Hold on tight, because I am going about 90 miles an hour right now. I just got off of the phone with Charter cable service. Since moving to our new apartment Kev and I decided to get cable for the first time in almost 2 years (Yeah for Lifetime and HGTV!) However, since the start of our service (August 5th) I have yet to receive a bill. So today I called the friendly people at Charter to find out what my bill amount is and when it is coming out. I also wanted to see if they had it being deducted from the correct bank account.

First I was routed to the wrong department...About 5 minutes into the talk I figured out I was in Internet support help and not billing information...Oh, say, 10 minutes later I was finally talking to a lovely man named Raja in billing. The news was not good. Apparently our bill is over 100.00 (it was supposed to be about 50.00) and is coming out TODAY. Yes, TODAY. Great....I asked to get an itemized list of charges, but he stated he could not do that without a security code...Um, ok...As for the bank account information they could not tell me that without a security code either. GRRRRR. So I asked in a friendly manner how I get this prized and so sought after security code. I was then informed that I have to either wait for my bill (which I have yet to get though they claim they sent it out...I highly doubt this) or drive about 40 minutes away to the local office. ARE YOU FRICKIN' KIDDING ME?! Our conversation went something like this:

ME: How do I get a security code?
CSR: You drive to Buffalo MN and get it
ME: Are you serious? I have to drive all that way for a security code? I didn't know that.
CSR: Or you could wait for your bill
ME: You never sent me my bill. That's why I am calling you.
CSR: It says on the computer we did.
ME: Well I didn't get it.
CSR: We sent it.
ME: But I didn't get it. So how can I give you a code off of the bill if I never got it...
CSR: Must be a problem with the postal service.
ME: Yup, that must be it....

So basically I learned no more about my bill then when I first called, except for the fact that it's due TODAY. Oh, and get this...at the end of the call they wanted me to take a survey about their service....If they knew what I was thinking I don't believe they would have asked me to do this, but who am I to turn down a request like that?! LOL

An Interesting Week In The Britting House

This past week was quite interesting in the Britting house. First of all I was off of work on bed rest for a few days. Icky no fun!!! Don't get me wrong, I enjoy relaxing as much as the next person...but not when I am FORCED to do it 24/7. Luckily for me I have two very entertaining little girls to keep me amused. Though Grandpa and Daddy were mainly taking care of them while I sat on my rear end they still managed to amuse me :D

Ellie is in a new phase where she is claiming to be a superhero and she "rescues people because that is her job." According to her own words she travels all over on her bike saving other people and helping animals. I think this came from the Wonder Pets cartoon or Diego. Not sure which. Anyways, she now "rides" all over the house trying to help. When you tell her 'no' she breaks down crying and says that she has to do this because she just has to. How do you argue with that? She is also into helping out with Emma. There was one morning where I saw Emma running as fast as she could past the doorway to the kitchen, screaming "Ahhhhh" the entire way. Seconds later Ellie is right behind her with like 3 diapers yelling, "I change you baby!" It was their own version of the Roadrunner and Cyote. Heaven help us. I feel terrible for those people living around and under me in our new apartment.

Emma's newest fad is to tackle Ellie when she isn't looking and then to literally sit on hear head. When Ellie starts yelling Emma will stand up, bend down and give Ellie a kiss, and then promptly sit right back down on her face. I don't get it.

Sooo...Though I am back at work today and I am sure this week will be just as weird as last week...only this time I won't be stuck at home to see it!! LOL :D

My Baby is Growing Up!

Ellie and I went school shopping this past weekend....for her...for Ellie...for my baby. I can't believe it! I thought I was going to break down in tears right there in the store. Honestly I cannot find words to explain how I am feeling about this whole new stage in her life. I am thrilled that she will be able to go and play with other kids a couple days a week. I am excited to see the changes in her as she grows and learns new things...But I am also scared to death for her! I didn't have the best (early) school years in terms of having a lot of friends. In fact, this didn't really change for me until around middle school...I don't want it to be like that for her. She is such a wonderful little girl and all I want is to wrap her up in my arms and keep her safe forever. Now, I know this isn't possible...or healthy...but sometimes the feeling just overwhelms me! I know in my heart that I will do what moms have done for ages now...I will let her go, free her a little by little to grow up and become her own person. I will hold her hand, wipe her tears, and then send her on her way...

Rainy Day Weekend-Help!!!

According to the weather station this is going to be a Rainy Day Weekend. Great. I remember back to a time when I loved weekends like this...I would cuddle up in bed with a good book and a cup of tea all day and be perfectly happy. Obviously after I had Ellie this changed...and then it changed even more so with Emma. Now I almost dread rainy days. It always seems that I can never think of enough to do to keep their little minds and bodies occupied for a whole day. And even in the cities it can be hard to find age appropriate activities for both of them that do not cost me an arm and a leg...I do the usual indoor stuff, such as building forts, play dough, coloring alphabet books, watching movies, etc...but they still seem to get bored. Sooo...I would be willing to take any suggestions from all of my creative friends out there!!!! With Kevin not being home and it just being the girls and I any idea at all would be wonderful!!!

All Moved In

We are now officially all moved into our new apartment. I have to say that I like it. Don't get me wrong...I really, really, REALLY miss my neighborhood and all of the friends there. However I do NOT miss the extra 15 minutes it took me to get to work, or the fact that there was slim to none in restaurant choices where we were before. Our new place has a heated pool and is only about 3 blocks away from Ellie's new preschool. There's also a good sized park about 1 1/2 blocks away...I suppose, as with any large event/change, there are pros and cons...

The move itself went surprisingly well. I had the house almost 100% packed by the time Kevin got home the end of last week...Granted, he was little to no help and I was utterly exhausted, but at least it was done. I got a moving truck for a day and it only cost me about $80. A couple of strong family friends came by and assisted Kevin in carrying furniture so he didn't have to do it all himself this time (yippee!!) Dad was wonderful and watched the girls for me while I unpacked as Kevin was unloading...I thought that they would have more trouble with the transition than they did and was quite pleased when they slept all night in their new room. So, I guess in general things went fairly smoothly...at least more so than I had ever imagined. Still, I am SOOO glad that it's over...I am back to work and every muscle in my body is no longer screaming in pain and exhaustion. I hate moving. I refuse to move again for at least 2 years. Done done done.

Too Much Like Her Daddy

One of the most common things I hear about my girls is how much Emma looks like Kevin. I hear that constantly, and every person who has ever said it is totally and completely correct. She is his mini-me. However, when it comes to personality it is Ellie who is Kevin's twin, not Emma. Ellie wants to be like Daddy in every way possible...Just how much so became quite clear this past weekend.

Ellie has been potty trained for some time now. Yet despite this she had several accidents over Friday and Saturday. I could not for the life of me figure out what was going on!! Finally after cleaning up yet another mess on the bathroom floor I got a little angry and demanded that Ellie tell me what was going on. With eyes so big she looked right up to me and stated in her matter-of-fact way, "I pee like daddy." Yes, my little girl was trying to pee like a man. Oh My Word. So...next came the talk of why little girls cannot pee standing up, and that she really needs to sit and go potty because mommy is going to run out of cleaner if she tries to stand all the time. LOL. At least we got rid of the dog so she won't try to go around the house lifting her leg on everything...

Humor

Lately things have been pretty on edge for me. Work has been stressful, dealing with certain client issues that shouldn't be my problem to start with...Packing and trying to figure out when we can get into the apartment. Nothing is more annoying then needed permission from somebody and having that person be almost entirely incompetent...Still getting used to Kevin being gone...Getting rear ended driving between meetings...The list goes on. So I've done what any reasonable person would do and cracked. I'm totally going loony! Today I found humor is the most unusual of places. I was driving down the highway when I saw a truck carrying MONSTER energy drink. Here's this young guy driving super early in the morning, and you would think he would be drinking an energy drink, right?I mean that is what he is advertising... WRONG. He was eating a banana. Now, for whatever reason this struck me as totally and utterly hilarious!!! I highly doubt that anybody else will see the humor in this story, but for me I laughed so hard I had tears coming down. Maybe I need to get out more. Maybe I need more sleep. Maybe I'm just crazy...Hard to say at this point.

Packing

We are moving again...what a shocker, huh?? I'm actually a little sad about this move. We have been in our house almost 2 years now, and it's the only home Emma has known. However, it is WAY overpriced and the landlord can't seem to remember how to pay the mortgage. Thus I find myself once more in a maze of boxes and garbage bags, trying with all my might to hang on to some ounce of sanity. I do my best to chase after the girls while being productive, but so far I'm not really sure how much progress I am making...For example...

The other day I left work a little early to go home and get some large boxes filled. Ellie and Emma were running around amusing themselves, as dad had to leave to go to a singles event (That's a whole other post) After a bit I realized that I had been seeing Ellie running in and out of the kitchen, but not Emma. I asked Ellie is she knew where Emma was...to which she answered, "She going bye-bye, mama." I said, "Oh, is she on her horse or her riding worm?" ....."No, mama...she all comfy in the box." WHAT?!?!?! It seems that Emma had crawled into a box which Ellie then conveniently tipped over so Emma couldn't get out. Nice.

Now, it's not to say that I sometimes don't think about shipping myself or my children off to some far away land...but being the intelligent person I am I do come to my senses and realize that this is just not a good idea...Still....

DEFIANCE!!!

Defiance is the word of the week in my house. Ellie has been nothing but defiant. It's been building and building until it all hit the fan Tuesday night/Wednesday morning.

Ellie woke up at about 1:30 asking for milk. Now, she did not need more milk...especially considering that I told her before bed that she wouldn't be getting any more the rest of the night. I told her "no..." and tucked her back into bed. I spent the next 45 minutes or so listening to her play in her room, waking Emma up in the process. Finally I just yelled from the next room "Ellie, go to bed!!" Suddenly I heard a sound of water being spilled. Convinced that she had taken her cup of water and tossed it I ran into her bedroom...I had heard something all right, but it wasn't water. Right in front of the bedroom door was a puddle where Ellie had stood, lifted her nightgown, and peed. Yes, peed. I was mad, but I was about to become furious. I asked Ellie why she had done that....to which she responded, "Because you no give me milk and I mad." Are you KIDDING me??? I mean, come ON! So I spent the next I don't know how long cleaning the carpet and trying to get both her and Emma back to bed. I didn't lay back down until about 3:45....and I finally fell asleep...until about 5:30 when Ellie was up and ready to go.

Oh My Word. I cannot even begin to discribe the range of emotions I felt that night...I hope and pray that Ellie is done with this phase before Emma enters hers...or lord help us all.

18 month check-up

Emma had her 18 month check up, and really there were no big surprises. She is REALLY long for her age (78 %) but REALLY tiny in terms of weight (2 %) . She only weighs about 20 lbs!! The doctor was not too concerned, however, because of a couple of things. 1) I was small. I was only 13 lbs. when I was one. Ellie was small. It's genetic to a point. 2) She is growing...She is just growing up up up instead of around. 3) She has great mobility and her developmental milestones are right on track. So....All in all we have a very small, very tall, very healthy little peanut. I must say I am used to it, with all of the issues with Ellie's weight in the past. Would I prefer that my girls have a little more meat on them? Sure. Of course. But as long as they are thriving and healthy there isn't much more I can ask for. I have no doubt that baby # 3 will be the same in terms of size. I make 'em small, what can I say? Small, tough, and hyper. Watch out world!

Green Light Only

This month has been totally and utterly crazy for me, which explains the lack of posting on here. Kevin has taken the traveling construction job which means I am now all on my own with Ellie and Emma. Between work, making dinner, giving baths, cleaning the house, etc. I have little time to do much else. Plus, like somebody else I know, we are moving the last weekend in July...thus between everything else I am busy packing. At work I am going crazy trying to make those above me see the light regarding some new policies...It's tough when people want to bend rules and you know that they shouldn't...

Granted, all of this probably doesn't seem like such a big deal. Perhaps it's because my almost 6 month self is greatly hormonal that I get overly and somewhat psychotically stressed out...I'm really not sure. All I know is that I feel like a crazy woman, or that girl from the Exorcist movie...My life is one big green light right now. I don't even get a glimpse of red. Heck, I would settle for yellow

Still, when it is all over and things slow down I know it will all be worth it. On the plus side Kevin has been home more often, though there is never a guarantee of when this will happen...And in our new place we will have a pool which will greatly help mommy in entertaining the girls. As any mommy knows, any help is better than nothing!! :D

Fast Hands

Emma has the fastest hands I have ever seen on a child. No contest. Yesterday was perfect proof of this. Ellie was playing 'school' and packing items into her backpack. She set the backpack down for a split second as she bent over to get a toy off of the floor. What happened next was one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Emma, who was sitting on the chair across the room, saw this as the perfect opportunity to get her sisters toys. She jumped off of the chair, ran behind Ellie so she couldn't be spotted, grabbed the backpack and took off down the hall...all of this happening before Ellie had stood up!!! Ellie turns around and looks at me..."Where's my backpack, Mama?" I laughed so hard I thought I was going to wet my pants....

It wasn't long after that and Emma did the same exact thing again, only this time she took the baby doll out of the play stroller...and this time she hid behind the love seat. Crazy. Good luck world keeping up with my girls, because lord knows I can't do it! :D

There's No Place Like Fargo

As of late Kevin has been on the road doing construction work again. His latest job was in Fargo, ND. He's been overseeing the remodel of a Verizon store up there, and needless to say all of the preppy boys in their polo shirts have been less than pleasant. Here is the latest example:

Kevin came home this past Friday at about 7:00pm. We had a nice dinner, watched TV, etc. On Saturday at about 1:00 he found out that he had to go BACK to Fargo that night and 'babysit' some subcontractors. I decided to go with him and shop the mall while he was working. Thankfully Dad agreed to watch the girls overnight and off we went. Now, Fargo is only about 3.5-4hours away, but it seems as though we went into a whole new world. Craziest people I've ever seen. Anywho, I shopped, we went to dinner, and we left at about 9am on Sunday. Kev was totally excited to come back that afternoon and just hang with the girls. We arrived at about 1:00 and he found out at about 1:30 that he had to GO BACK!! Yes, that's right, GO BACK!!! So he left at about 3:00 again to drive up to Fargo........Nice weekend, huh? But wait, it gets better....

The plan was for him to leave mid morning on Monday and come home for Monday and Tuesday. I didn't get the call that he was leaving until about 3pm. Roughly 20 minutes later I get another call. It's Kev telling me his radiator has a leak. You have to be frickin' kidding me!! Trying to make a long story short he found a part that could be delivered this morning (Tues) and he is on his way now. He should be at my work at about 1:00. So since Friday he has come home, left, come home, left, and is on his way home again now. Luckily the job in ND is done and he only has to receive a shipment tomorrow on another site...Then he has 4 days off!! :D

I forgot how crazy this whole "traveling construction" thing can be. I am doing OK handling it, but Ellie has a hard time when Daddy says he will be home and then he's not. I really see her acting out a bit more (if that's possible for a 3 year old of her kind)...My goal is to make this as easy on her as possible. And if that means I throw his phone into the lake this weekend then so be it!!!!

Little Women...Lost of 'em!

Kevin and I recently found out that our 3rd child together (and last!) is going to be a girl. What a shocker. I am really starting to believe that girls are all Kevin is able to make!! LOL!

I went in for my ultrasound, something I have enjoyed with each pregnancy. This time the little one decided to play ball with the umbilical cord the entire time, which made it hard to hear a heartbeat. She also had her legs WIDE OPEN for the lady to find out the sex. I mean WIDE open!! I hope this is not a sign of the future...

Regardless, our newest little princess is growing right on schedule and seems to be doing fine. I am less concerned with the rest of the pregnancy and focusing more on having 3 young girls living in the same house. My poor husband! And of course I am totally consumed with the "name" thing...I suggested Eva (or Ava) a long time ago to Kevin, and at the time he didn't like it. Now he does. (It was the same thing with Emma) So...Eva/Ava is a possibility...Dad suggested Eden...I also like Alexis and Abigail....I think naming the kid is almost as hard as carrying it around for 9 months!!! LOL~

Wine-O

I think I am raising my youngest daughter to be a wine-o. Not on purpose, mind you...but regardless, there it is. We have this half gone bottle of wine in the bottom shelf of our fridge door. Every time I open the fridge Emma makes a mad dash to the door, grabs the wine, and runs as fast as she can away from me. If I catch up to her she simply throws the wine at me and laughs. Now, I know what you are thinking..."Move the bottle of wine up, Laura. Duh." OK, I have tried that. I have moved it up the shelves, farther into the fridge, etc. It makes NO difference!!! NONE AT ALL!!! She will make every attempt to climb and scale the shelves of the fridge until she can get her hands on that bottle. No joke. Just this ONE particular bottle...*Sigh* I hope that this isn't a hint of what is to come.

Oops!!!!

I had a big OOPS last night. Hey, it happens to even the best of us!! :D So here's the story...I made Chicken & Dumplings yesterday in the crock pot. After the girls and I got done eating it was really close to their bed time so we did stories and such and I got them to bed. I decided to clean up the kitchen briefly and then sit and relax. I was super tired from not getting much sleep lately and fell asleep before 8:30. All through the night I kept waking up and smelling the chicken... Every time I would think "Just get up and throw it out." Finally, around 3am, Kevin called me to say goodnight as he was finishing up some work in Fargo. At that point I decided to just get up and clean that pan out so it could soak. As soon as I went to stick the pan in the sink I figured out why the smell had been so strong. I LEFT THE POT ON ALL NIGHT!! My once wonderful meal was now crusted to the sides and (literally) almost hard as a rock. LOL HAHAHAHA~~ I had to laugh because, well, it was just funny at 3am. At that point Ellie came out because she had to go to the bathroom, Emma woke up, etc. so it wasn't until about 4am this morning that I could stick that (still very hot) pan in the sink. Oops!!! I wanted a new crock pot anyways...Depending on how it looks when I get home this may just be the excuse I was looking for!

Family Fun and a Sick Kid

So this was a big weekend at our house. My mom and my step dad flew in from Arizona on Thursday evening, and Kevin arrived late Friday afternoon. I had such a wonderfully fun weekend planned, including MOA, the zoo, etc. However, as is often the case when you are a parent, that was not to be. Emma came down with a fever on Friday afternoon while we were at the MOA. She became sleepy and refused to eat. On Saturday we attempted to go to the zoo as Ellie was super excited. Emma cried the ENTIRE TIME. Now, I don't mean she cried on and off while we were there. Nope. She sat in her stroller or on my lap and CRIED for 3 hours STRAIGHT!!! Needless to say we "power walked" through the zoo. I made it up to Ellie by buying her some outrageously expensive toys at the gift store. On Sunday Emma seemed a bit better but still not 100%. We attempted a walk to the park...She was happy for about 10 minutes and then went back into pissed off mode. When we weren't out trying to be active Emma slept...and slept...and slept...and would not eat a darn thing. I was getting really worried...I figured if she wasn't OK by this morning I would be heading for the Dr.

So Kev left at 3am this morning and mom left at 5am...at 6:30am Emma woke up HAPPY AS CAN BE!!! No fever, ate about 3 bowls of cereal and ran around playing with all of the new toys she totally ignored this weekend. You have to be kidding me. My dad insists that it was simply because she missed her grandpa...I think her teeth finally broke through. Either way I hope when I get back from work today she is still as happy and upbeat as she was when I left.

Disturbing!!!

I heard the most disturbing thing on the radio. A friend called in for what the station calls "Group Therapy"...This is where a person phones in with an issue and other listeners can phone in with advice. Anyways, a girl called in about her friend. Apparently her young friend (Late teens, early 20's) got pregnant. Shocker. The "boyfriend" refused to pay for an abortion, and the girl claims to not have enough money for one. So what is her brilliant plan? Perhaps adoption or a social service agency? No!! That would be too easy (and humane!) Her plan is to DRINK THE BABY TO DEATH!!! Yes, you read that right!! She wants to drink so much alcohol that she just eventually kills the baby!!!!!! Now, obviously I have certain words that I would like to say to this girl and sadly I cannot post any of them on here! The response from the public was (understandably) overwhelming. Most were concerned for the baby, some for the baby and the girl. Part of me says screw the girl, save the baby. If she wants to drink herself to death so be it but don't hurt an innocent child. The other part of me says that it's (probably) not her fault because she wasn't taught any better. Where are her parents???? However, both parts cry for that little unborn child and the life that it may or may not have....I almost don't have words to put down for what I was thinking and the flood of emotions when I heard this.

That poor baby!! It won't die it the womb, but WILL be born with lifelong problems. I deal with clients every day who have FAS, and it is one of the hardest parts of my job. With so many women unable to have children why not choose adoption?? That was the best thing my birth mother or Kevin's birth mother ever did!!!! Whether it is stupidity or lack of education this girl seriously needs somebody to sit down with her and explain a few things. NOW!

Anniversary

As I mentioned in an earlier post, Kevin and I celebrated our 4 year anniversary this past weekend. He surprised me by coming home early on Friday...When he walked in he handed me a CARD and after that a brand new Guess watch and pearl earrings!!! I couldn't believe it!! It has been FOREVER since he has gone and done something like that...Usually I just pick out my own gifts, and for most holidays (birthday, valentines, etc.) we don't do much (Guess that happens when you spend everything on your kids, lol) But this time he actually went by himself, with his own money, and picked something from the heart! Totally meant the world to me. On Saturday it was pouring rain so we just walked around the mall together and had a really nice lunch. That night we watched movies and had a steak on the grill (NUMMY!) He left Sunday early afternoon, but I wasn't nearly as sad this time...We had spent such a great couple days together I had a hard time being anything but happy :D

It amazes me that we've been married for 4 years. 4 years!!! AHHHH!!! When I look at my life now (wife, mother, etc.) it is certainly not what I had always pictured. I was the girl who was never going to have kids...Well, obviously things didn't go that way, and I am thrilled that they didn't. I love my Ellie Bean, my Ellie Coo-Coo Bird, and the little Britting-To-Be. And I love my husband, more than words could say. Sure, 4 years down...but hopefully so many more to go!

Tough Week

This has been a terribly tough week for me with Kevin being gone. Granted, it was only for a few days this time...I think what bothers me most about his going back on the road is the memories it brings back from the last time. That and he didn't have time to tell Ellie goodbye so I had to do it for him. That stunk. But mainly it's just the flood of returning emotion from the year he was gone. We were not a happy couple then, and our marriage almost didn't survive the ordeal. I get terrified that will happen again this time, and with two children and one on the way I am unsure of how I would handle that. I would like to think I am a strong woman who could pull her own and do it all if needed, but I don't want it to be needed. Not at all. Ugh. Still, I am trying to focus on the positives from this week...Here are a few:

1) Kev comes home for the weekend so we can celebrate our 4 year anniversary
2) Ellie rode her bike down the block and back all by herself
3) Emma learned the word "nana" (banana)
4) Mom is coming for a visit next week
5) I get to sleep with the window open when he's not here
6) I have a lot less laundry to do when he's gone
7) The baby is a movin'!

Those are all things that made me smile a bit throughout the week, so those are the things I hold on to. Sometimes that's all you can do!

Single Married Female

My fears have become a reality. Kevin is back to working on the road again in a traveling construction job. We found out he got the job last night at about 6 or 7, and he left this morning at 3am. Great. I will be the first to admit that I did not react well. The last time Kev worked on the road it was the worst year or so of my life. Our marriage all but collapsed, I wouldn't hear from him for days, etc...and that was when I just had Ellie. Now I have Ellie, Emma and the baby-to-be. I know that we really need the money as he has been laid off for about 3 months now...but I guess I wasn't quite prepared. I hate being a "single married female." I hate waking up every morning and going to bed every night alone. It sucks.

It's my hope that this job will really be what he said and he will be home every week or every other week. Once thing is for certain; If it goes back to being months at a time that he is gone I won't deal with it...And I think, this time, he won't either.

Ouchies

We had our first big ouchie of the season yesterday. Ellie was going crazy in the kitchen, despite repeated requests to GET OUT while I'm making dinner...I guess she was too absorbed in her new jump rope to listen. Anyways, she is jumping up and down like crazy when BAM! she jumps right into the center island...Somehow, someway, her poor little nose hits the underside of the island, which leaves a deep cut right across the bridge. Ugh. Of course, as anyone would do, she starts screaming bloody murder. Poor thing.

As a mother I cannot stand it when one of my girls gets hurt...breaks my heart every time. I will never forget when Koda (our beagle) pushed Ellie's stroller down the cement front stairs on 2ND street in Manistee. All I remember is looking down and seeing the stroller face down with two little hands waving frantically from underneath it...and a wailing that resembled a very unhappy banshee.

So far Emma has not had to many accidents. She did get stuck head first in the toy box with the lid down on her the other day but that was on Grandpa's watch, not mine! I blame it all on Kevin. I never had these issues when I was little. I was a calm little girl, never even got a broken bone. My wonderful husband on the other hand was like a walking catastrophe when he was little (sometimes still is). Hopefully my genes will kick in soon and they will grow out of it.

Bedtime Routine Madness

My daughter Ellie has mastered the art of stalling. This is especially evident at bedtime. Emma will grab her blankie, stick that (somewhat pickled) thumb into her mouth, and walk to her bedroom door. Very easy. Very peaceful. Not so will the other one. After we brush teeth, change into PJ's, and read a story then the real fun begins. First we have to make sure she has her baby, her "baby dolls blankie" and the "baby doll buba" all in her bed. Then she needs a drink of milk. And then after that's gone in about 15 or so minutes she wants a drink of water. Oh, and then it's that she wants Kleenex...And no way is she going to accept unused Kleenex from earlier..."no way, mommy, it's old!" She will get up 5-6 times every night for SOMETHING, spread out over any where from 1-2 hours. I have tried putting her to bed later...to bed earlier...makes NO difference. Ahhhh!!! And it's inevitable that when I won't give in, she will throw a fit, and Emma will wake up. Great fun. I refuse to be her "fetch servant" and I refuse to give it just because she whines and cries...but sometimes it would be so much easier just to give her what she wants. But I guess part of parenting is not always taking the easy way out.

Beeps and Questions

The newest fad in our house? Listening to our "beeps." I have a portable Doppler machine to listen to the baby's heartbeat, something I did with my first two. Well, Ellie has come to the conclusion that she also has a baby in her tummy, and nothing I can say will convince her otherwise. Nothing. So every morning and every night she wants to listen to her "beeps."(aka. her heart) Cracks me up.

She is getting very excited about the new baby, and keeps asking me how it is going to come out of Mommy. She understands what is going to happen, she just doesn't know how. And that's fine by me. I don't understand how some mothers can have their children in the delivery room with them. To each their own I suppose....but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if I have been in labor for a while the last person I want to see in the delivery room is Ellie. Not because I don't love her...but because I do not want her to think of her Mommy as a screaming, swearing monster of a woman with wild hair and what must look like fangs. Not a pretty picture for a 3 year old. Not a pretty picture at all, for that matter. So...instead of showing Ellie first hand how her new sibling is going to come into the world, I will be making a trip to the local children's book store and getting some material from the professionals. :D

Baby Doll Drama Part 2

Here is the continuing saga of the baby doll...After posting the other day I got some good advice from a very good friend and mommy...And I tried it...Wasn't sure if it was going to work or not, but I thought, "Hey, I'm up for it." Whether it worked or not I never really got to find out...Yesterday afternoon I got a package from my grandma yesterday. In it was this tiny baby doll. I'm talking like 4 inches big. Naked. Cheap plastic. I am sure grandma got it at the thrift store where she works, which is just fine by me. Anyways, Emma instantly fell in love with this little thing of a toy. So did Ellie. No joke folks. At first I thought it was going to be an answer to my prayers and that Emma would be satisfied with the new doll. Which she was, don't get me wrong. But now Ellie wants to play with this doll that probably cost all of $1 and doesn't want a thing to do with her big doll. Funny, huh? So now Emma runs around the house with this doll and Ellie chases her, trying to bribe her with the big baby doll. We have had conversations regarding sharing, which have an impact for exactly 2.5 seconds before this all starts again. The funniest part? The doll has a mat of white, curly hair. When Emma carries it around it looks just like a mini me :D

Baby Doll Drama

A storm has been brewing in my house for some time now...I big black cloud that hovers, waiting to just open up and poor rain down on all inside. The cause for this tension?? Ellie's baby doll. Ellie has had the same baby doll for a couple of years now. She loves it. It's hers. Last year around Christmas Emma began to show a mild interest in the doll. Naturally I got her a baby doll of her very own as a present. A nice baby doll, not one of those all cloth ones. One similar to Ellie's. However, Emma does not like that baby doll. Neither does Ellie. Nope, the only baby doll either girl likes is Ellie's. Go figure. There is daily fighting over this one toy...Who will carry it around, one constantly snatching it out of the hands of the other, who will take it to bed. Ugh. It's a learning experience, a lesson on sharing...and I honestly do try to present it that way to the girls...However, if I am to be honest here...I am ready to take baby and bury it somewhere in the backyard where it will NEVER be found. Or maybe cut it in half so each girl gets some. Evil I know...but I am just being honest. I am sick and tired of the Drama. DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA. Though I don't want either of my girls to grow up faster than they have to, I am ready for Ellie to outgrow the doll...any day now.

Long Time No Blog

I know I have been terrible at blogging!!! My computer at work had a virus for about 3 weeks that would not go away...Eventually the IT team had to rebuild my computer totally...So my blogging ability was out of commission for a while there. But I am back! :D

The latest update is that Ellie is POTTY TRAINED!!! It literally happened overnight!! One morning she woke up and decided that she wanted to both pee and poop on the potty, no questions asked. She has gone full speed ahead and not looked back at all!! :D woohoo!!!! I can't even express my happiness in this whole thing. Now I can finally look into preschools, dance classes, etc. It always amazes me how stubborn little kids can be. They do what they want to do when they want to do it, no questions asked...Ok, so maybe I'm still that way...but regardless I am so happy for my little girl.

Other than that not much has been going on. The pregnancy is fine as far as I know. I have another Dr apt next week. Kevin has decided that we are going to grow all of our food ourselves this year and has taken to making a huge garden in the back yard...Of course, this resulted in him getting poison oak all over his body, but what can I say? His eye swelled shut...Totally looked like he got sucker punched (and no I didn't do that! LOL!) Poor guy! I think it's finally starting to clear up though, so that's good. Leprosy is not a sexy thing.

Hope everyone else is well and I will try to keep more up to date now that I have my computer back!

Odd Symptom

Lord knows I have always had a slew of pregnancy symptoms...heartburn with the first two, morning sickness now, and fatigue for all three. However, there is another strange symptom I get each and every time I am pregnant. In fact, it begins even before I have taken a + test. I am talking about strange and somewhat scary dreams. That's right, my dreams go way out of whack when I am pregnant...

Now, I am not talking about just a little strange. I am talking way out there strange. For example, the other night I dreamt that zombie's were attaching and I was trying to hide and kill them. I burnt one with a blowtorch, but he still came at me...So I yelled, "You want more?" and stabbed him in the heart with a screwdriver!! The weird thing about the zombie's was that they were dressed in button up collared shirts and khakis!

Kevin and I really like to watch "Hells Kitchen" and "Kitchen Nightmares" with Gordon Ramsey. Well, last night I had a dream that I was dating Gordon. No joke...I can't remember all of the dream, but I remember something about his having an older daughter who didn't like me and didn't want me dating her dad. So weird. I have never even thought of that man in that way....Bizarre.

These two dreams just touch the surface...I have dreamt that my dead grandfather came to me and told me that the baby was going to be fine but that I was going to die (that was w/ Ellie) I think I go a little crazy when I am pregnant, and my dreams are just proof of that. I don't know. Maybe I am just weird...lol

Cleaning Frenzy

For the past week or so I have been on some kind of strange, crazy cleaning frenzy. I have hit every room in the house...kitchen, Emma's bedroom, living room, even the basement!! Spring is around the corner, and I just want to get my house in some sort of order. Progress has been made, but I think I would be a lot farther along if I didn't have two little elves who follow me from room to room, pulling out all that I just put away. Kevin tries to help, but he just doesn't get the "cleaning itch" like I do. LOL. Tonight I will be hanging pictures in my bedroom and doing laundry. Nothing too exciting...I am kind of coasting now until Saturday when we are going to get done all of the things we need a ladder for :D Sarah, if you read this, my house is going to be so clean by the time you come! :D

Blessed

I got to hear the baby's heartbeat today when I had my ultrasound. Finally! :D I don't think there is anything more wonderful than seeing and hearing your baby for the very first time. No matter how many kids I have each "first time" always brings a tear to my eye. I am so lucky to be able to build the family that I want, when there are so many other worthy would-be-parents out there who cannot. It makes me feel very blessed. Even on mornings such as this, where Ellie peed on my clothes instead of in the toilet, I know how lucky I am...Sure, sometimes I have to recite that to myself so that I don't forget, but deep down I really do know :D

So, another 3 weeks until my next appointment. My Dr. does them every 3 weeks instead of every 4,which doesn't bother me a bit. I am really loving the fact that I only have ONE Dr. instead of FIVE like before. :D And now I have picture proof that I really am pregnant so others don't think I am just going crazy with all of these raging hormones.

The funny things my Ellie says

Ellie is at that age now where every other thing out of her mouth either embarrasses the crap out of me or makes me laugh 'till I cry...sometimes even both! Here are a few examples:

1) The other day Ellie and I were in the bathroom at Wal-Mart. She tried to go potty, but got scared by the auto flush toilet. To show her everything was OK I sat down and showed her that it wasn't scary. When I stood up she says, so very loudly, "Momma, you got hair on your butt?" OMG! I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!! I have never rushed out of a bathroom so quickly in my life!

2) Ellie and I were looking at a magazine together. She saw a young girl who looked a lot like Miley Cirus (i don't think i spelled that right.) She says to me, "Look, momma, Hannah Montana!" How in the world does my 3 year old know who Hannah Montana is???

3) It was bed time and Ellie was trying to get her shirt off in order to put her PJ's on. The shirt got stuck on her head and she ran around yelling, "I have a babushka on my head!!" Babushka? My dad must have taught her that one...I hope.

Those of you who know me are quite aware that very rarely am I at a loss for words. However, I find my self dazed and confused more and more often when Ellie opens her mouth. Clever little girl that she is, it catches me totally and utterly off guard nearly 100% of the time. Lord help us.

My Needless Whining

My big thing these days seems to be that I don't have enough time. Enough time for what, you might ask? Well, enough time for ANYTHING. I am constantly running around like a crazy woman, be it at home or at work, and I feel like I am spinning myself in circles. It is the midpoint of our fiscal year at work, which means A TON of extra paperwork and number crunching ( I stink at both of these!) Plus, with the unemployment rate going UP UP UP my caseload has been doing the same. More meetings, more drive time, more paperwork...One of these days I am going to say "goodbye" to doing placement work...Sadly, today is not that day.

At home Kevin has been looking daily for work, since his job has cut him down to like 3 days in the past 2 weeks. So he's been busy with that since we do need money to pay bills and such...That means after leaving the house at 7am and returning around 5pm I get to do dinner, baths, play time and stories...When all I really want to do is lay down and sleep.

I know that there are single parents out there who do so much more than me. I know that there are even married parents out there who do more...Military families, for example...Or families where an individual works more than one job...I am BY NO MEANS "bad off"...I understand this, I do. But since this is MY blog I am taking a moment to vent. I figure better to do it on here than to go home stressed out after you find out your co-worker is going to be gone the entire month of April and you get to handle his case load along with yours. Woohoo.

Art

Ellie loves art. She always has. Drawing, painting...it doesn't matter. She loves it. In the past she even did it with her poop!! (Hey, in a modern art gallery that would make a ton of money!) Anyways, I went into her room the other day and was lucky enough to discover another wonderfully pretty (large) picture on her wall. This one is purple, red, and pink...And it has progressed a great deal since the last time she snuck crayons into her room. Before all she would draw were little colored in circles and lines and stuff. THIS time she drew actual people. Sure, the eyes are huge and the arms/legs come right off of the body. But I can TELL it's a person!! A HUGE person! On her bedroom wall! Woohoo!! There is a fine line between being proud of your child's development and going crazy trying to keep up with it. My toe is on that line! :D

Potty Training-Please Help!!

I have been trying to potty train Ellie for months now. She will do really good for a while, slide backwards, do well again, then slide back again. I would like to get her into a preschool, but we have to make it over this mountain first. I am out of ideas. I have tried stickers. I have tried getting m&m's when she goes...I am wondering if I should just get rid of the diapers all together (she's in pull ups right now) and see if that helps??? Any thoughts, ideas?? I am open to any advice!!!

Stupid People

Sometimes I get so annoyed by stupid people. It's not even that I really think the person themselves are stupid, but lord help me with some of the back-assword things people do. A perfect expample today. Kevin has been getting his checks direct deposited for about 1 year now. Today I logged onto our bank account and saw that there was no deposit!! Thinking that the website just needed to be updated I called the main branch...But to my shock there really was NO deposit!! I called Kevin, who promptly called his work. Come to find out they decided to go back to paper checks. Hmmm...ok. Now in my mind that is HUGE piece of information and plays greatly into the whole plan of what bills I am going to pay, how I am going to pay them, etc. On top of it I had a car payment scheduled to come out today. So I just spent 40 minutes arguing with a person who speaks NO english trying to get her to change the payment and push it back so that we don't get overdrafted in our account. You would think this would be easy, right? SO WRONG! I don't know all of what this lady was trying to say to me, but believe you me it was not very nice. I know that HSBC sucks as an auto finance company (probably why they don't do it anymore) but come on people!!! Are you kidding??? Right after this I attempted to pay my water bill online, only to get an ERROR on the website. I call the woman who does the billing and she has no idea what the error means. No clue. Not even a small one. So I spent like another 15-20 minutes trying to clear that mess up. All the time I am wondering why I am the one arguing with some idiot when it was KEVIN'S work that screwed up and HE should be the one dealing with this. Not me. Especially since he is at home and I am running around between meetings. UGH! Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

The Joys of Pregnancy (again)

So here I am pregnant for a third time. You would think by now that I would be used to it. I am most certainly not. Don't get me wrong, I love being pregnant!!! However, this time is quite a bit different from the last two. Instead of heart burn like before, this time I get the wonderful never ending pleasure of morning sickness. In my case it's more like afternoon/evening sickness, but whatever. You get my point. I feel so much more exhausted this time as well...though perhaps this has something to do with my 40 + hour a week job and my 2 other children. Hmmm...

The one fabulous thing is that I LOVE LOVE LOVE my new doctor!! The entire clinic is just great, they are all so nice. I have only ONE doctor this time, so I actually know who is going to deliver my baby! Woohoo!!! Plus I can make a DVD of my ultrasounds. I've never got to do anything like that before!!!

I have some fears about actually have 3 children...OMG, 3. But these are just fleeting fears that come and go rather quickly. I worry more for Kevin...poor guy...what is he going to do if it's another girl?????????

My Secret Is Out--I'm Pregnant!

Here it is folks...the secret you have all been waiting for! Now, most of you guessed it already, but I am going to tell you anyways. I AM PREGNANT! The Dr. confirmed it today. Yes, that's right...number 3 will be joining the Britting family in November 2009!!! We are very excited, and a tad bit nervous...3 is a lot! Perhaps we weren't ready for this one like the last two, but my joy is no less. I get to be a mommy again!! I think no matter how many times I get to say those words they will always make me smile. Still, this will be the last one (Kevin is going to go to the Dr. to make sure of this!) Perhaps this will be the long awaited male...though with our track record I would not bet money on it! :D We have told Ellie that Mommy has a baby in her tummy again, and now Ellie wants one in her tummy too. Lord help us. :D

Go To SLEEP

Ellie has reached a new phase in her growth and development...sneakiness! She has NOT been wanting to go to bed. So, what does she do? She sneaks out of her room and hides in various places around the living room. The thing is, she is so stinking quiet that you rarely hear her moving around. The other day I noticed her door was open so I went down the hall to tell her to go to bed. Lo and behold she was not in her room. I came running out and told Kevin she wasn't in there. Suddenly I heard a giggle. She was hiding under a blanket next to the couch!! I had NO idea that she was there. Last night I was reading a book in the living room and looked up to see Ellie's face like 2 inches away from mine. I thought I was going to have a heart attack!! Ahhh! I think I slept more when the two of them were little babies vs. now.

On top of all of this she has not figured out how to climb over the gate going down to the entry way. Kevin was changing Emma's diaper the other day and Ellie made a grand leap over the gate in her new rain boots (thanks Grandma) and out into the snow. At least she was dressed this time. Do you see a pattern, however, how all of her escapes happen when Kevin is on duty? I have since put safety locks on the doors downstairs so hopefully that won't happen again. We'll see how long that lasts.

Children are quite the adventure.

Sickness Take 2

I went to bed last night feeling pretty ok...and woke up feeling totally crummy. It's happend, Mommy has gotten sick! Ugh! Yet if you know me you know that I don't have internet at work...that means only one thing! Yes! I WENT to work!!! Granted, I would much rather be under the covers watching Dr. Phil or something (who wouldn't?) but I have a LOT to do today before the team meeting tomorrow. In fact, I'll probably be up late watching Hells Kitchen filing papers, blowing my nose the entire time. Lucky me.

Sickness

I don't think there is anything worse then having a sick baby. Ellie has had this terrible cough for a couple of days now, and I would do anything to help her feel better. I have been loading her up with fluids, but no milk because it is so thick. Well, you would think I was the most terrible person in the world!! All she wants it milk, and it's the one thing she can't have right now. Though she's no "baby" anymore, she is my baby and I feel terrible that I can't do more for her. Or that the doctor can't. Or that nobody can. Plus I think Emma is starting to get it and that is just no fun.

Yesterday Kevin stayed home from work b/c he doesn't feel well. It is shocking to me how protective and caring I am of my children, but when my husband gets sick it just bugs the heck out of me! Now, granted, he was not that sick. He said he stayed home because he felt "sluggish." Well, for about 1 week every month I feel sluggish (to say the least) and I am still at work. Honestly, I think he just needed the rest, so it was probably a good thing he stayed home. But I spent all days in meetings, the last of which a client stormed out on my boss and I, slamming the door and swearing the entire way. When I got home the house was a MESS. Ellie had dumped her ENTIRE toy box on the floor in her bedroom, and tossed toys ALL OVER the living room. Emma had got into the bathroom of our room...(I still can't find my brush) Dishes were EVERYWHERE...So much so that I had to get up an hour early this morning to finish cleaning them up...I was not in the mood to deal with any of this, but deal I did as any mommy knows how to do. I wonder why, though, when I am sick nobody comes to my rescue like this...hmmm....food for thought.

Valentines Day

Another Valentines Day has come and gone. Usually I am not a fan of this holiday...I've only had a few good ones in my life thus far (Sean did quite well, and Kevin tries) However, in the grand scheme of things this past weekend certainly took 1st or 2nd place on my list! The thing is, we really did not do much except spend time together...And isn't that what the holiday is all about anyways? Kevin and I went to the Mall of America where he got me an amazing gift (you'll have to guess!!!) After that we came home and he made this huge seafood supper :D NUMMY! We hung out, talked, had some drinks...all the stuff couples are supposed to do but sometimes can't because of children (thanks daddy for helping!) I try my hardest to avoid the materialistic side of holidays, focusing instead on the substance of the day. A weekend like this past one really helps me to remember that love is about emotion and connection, not about the larger things like a pair of diamond earings or going to some $300.00 place to eat. So whether you spent it at home or out on the town, with a significant other, friend, parent, or pet...I hope that everyone had as great of a weekend as I did.

No more bottle

Emma is totally off her her bottle now. She has been down to only having it at night for a while, but as of the past few days it is all together bye-bye. What a few days it has been!!! She is PISSED! Not just mad, folks...oh no...but full out pissed off!! Last night she was up at least 6 times because I wouldn't give her the bottle. (Of course I was the one who got up all of those 6 times!) She cries like the dickens, and almost always wakes up her sister...who then needs a drink, to go to the bathroom, and get a kleenex (sometimes all at the same time!) I forget what it's like to sleep ALL NIGHT...I'm sure this is true for any parent. Oh well...in a few more short years I will be up all night waiting, listening for them to come home. Never ends.

Marriage Thoughts

Sometimes it takes all of my energy to stay married. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Kevin. I think he is a wonderful man, husband and father...I really do. He makes me smile like nobody else can, and I still get butterflies when I see him walking up to me. But I tell you what, that man EXHAUSTS ME! "Where is this?" "I want that?" "Why can't I..." AHHH! He is like a large kid who, like any child, cannot fully take care of himself. Except this isn't true. He's a grown man who CAN take care of himself (at least in theory) That's what drives me batty!!

I wonder if every married person goes through this...when they gaze over the dinner table at their wonderful spouse (who happens to be stuffing his face) and think "What the HELL have I got myself into?" LOL.

FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE means you deal with the stinky socks all over, the dishes ALWAYS left in the sink, the toilet seat NEVER down...FOR RICHER OR FOR POORER means that he takes all the change out of the jar, spends extra money on coffee and candy bars when you are short on gas...and AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE means, well, until one of us goes so crazy we just kick the bucket.

As I read over this post there is really no rhyme or reason to it. It's just the ramblings of a wife who is (happily) married to a (wonderful) man that is driving her (totally and utterly) crazy. No matter what I know this is right, this is how it should be. Happily ever after.

I am going to go nuts!!!

Ok well it has been an interesting couple of weeks for me here. Let me think back to all of the CRAZY things my children have done,...

1) Ellie took diaper cream and covered the dog with it. Covered. Totally.

2) Ellie snuck past Kevin and somehow got the cap off of the children's cold medicine. So, this one was not so funny at the time. Luckily she just took a little and most of it got on the floor. Still, it was another call he had to make to Poison Control. Ugh.

3) We found out that Ellie can climb into Emma's crib, and Emma can climb into Ellie's bed. Nice.

4) Ellie took the top off of her plastic clothes stacker and climbed into the top drawer in order to get the dress she wanted to wear out of the closet. I walked into her room as she was doing this. I about died.

5) Emma dumped an entire bag of rasin bran on the floor and shared it with the dog.

6) I woke up at 3:00 am to find Ellie in the kitchen trying to peel an orange with a play knife.

Hmmm...I think those are the major things. I am tired. LOL. And poor Kevin tries to help but, god love him, he just looks at me like he's lost sometimes. Love the guy, really do. He tries.

Jan 20th

I was so excited b/c I got to watch the inauguration yesterday. We had an all staff meeting in St. Paul, and they put it up on the big screen. I feel so much hope right now...hope that change really will come, hope that America will become a strong nation again. More than anything I hope that we all get our heads out of our butts and start doing the right thing for our future generations. As I gaze at Ellie and Emma playing in the living room I feel that somehow I have let them down...It's the same feeling I get when my clients ask me why they don't have a job yet. I have no answer to give them except that "I'm sorry." Yet I hope...

On another note, more personal...My husband was not feeling well yesterday. I hate when this happens for two main reasons. 1) I don't like to see him in pain, and 2) he gets nasty when he doesn't feel well. Now, I don't know a single person who is pleasant to be around when they are sick, self included. But he can get downright snappy. He wouldn't let me get him medicine, wouldn't let me make him soup, and hardly talked to me the whole night. Then at bedtime I offered to sleep on the couch to make him more comfortable, and you would have thought I was the most wicked person on earth! I am not sure why that upset him, but it did. Ugh!!! I am a caring person, but after a while with him my sympathy runs out. Men. They can be so strong, and such babies all at the same time.

Reflections

Yesterday was Emma's first birthday. I cannot believe that a year has passed already! It's a happy moment, and yet a sad one as well. I want my little girls to stay little, but time just keeps moving on. In all reality I understand that they have to grow and change into young women. Eventually some day they will be all grown up, maybe married, and possibly with children of their own. I think that's a hard reality to face for any mother, and I think it's an emotion you cannot truly understand until you have kids of your own. I do know that as each year passes I will try my hardest to support them through every decision, and allow them to lead the life they feel is best (within reason, of course! ha ha!)

All said and done, I am proud of my family, my life. There have been so many people along the way, even my closest family members, who have questioned and criticized my decisions. I think back to all of the hurtful things that were said when I became pregnant with Ellie by those who were supposed to support me the most...Or the reaction of some when I got married...or changed majors in college...or stayed with Kevin when he worked on the road no matter how hard it was. It seems that so many had an opinion to give ( I won't list names), with very few (Sarah, Daddy, Jill, Jen) just holding my hand through it all and supporting me. I wonder if those who forcefully gave their opinion regret those words now, or if they still stand by what they said. Either way it makes no difference, I suppose. I am who I am, I do what I do, I love who I love, and I live my life as I feel I should. I have grown thick skin due to others actions...and I have come to realize that is not totally a bad thing. I hope my girls have thick enough skin to follow their hearts as well...though I DO hope that I am NOT the one who causes it to thicken. I will offer my opinion when asked, I will always fight for their safety...but I will NOT put my predetermined notions and expectations onto their shoulders. Those are for me to deal with, and my insecurities are NOT the issue of my children. I want to be a lifelong mommy, who is always just a phone call away, who becomes a friend in later years.

So my dear Emma, and my darling Ellie, live your lives!! I love you both so dearly, and have enjoyed watching my little angels grow and change. I will always be your mommy, and nothing will ever take away the love for you that fills my heart.