Jan 20th

I was so excited b/c I got to watch the inauguration yesterday. We had an all staff meeting in St. Paul, and they put it up on the big screen. I feel so much hope right now...hope that change really will come, hope that America will become a strong nation again. More than anything I hope that we all get our heads out of our butts and start doing the right thing for our future generations. As I gaze at Ellie and Emma playing in the living room I feel that somehow I have let them down...It's the same feeling I get when my clients ask me why they don't have a job yet. I have no answer to give them except that "I'm sorry." Yet I hope...

On another note, more personal...My husband was not feeling well yesterday. I hate when this happens for two main reasons. 1) I don't like to see him in pain, and 2) he gets nasty when he doesn't feel well. Now, I don't know a single person who is pleasant to be around when they are sick, self included. But he can get downright snappy. He wouldn't let me get him medicine, wouldn't let me make him soup, and hardly talked to me the whole night. Then at bedtime I offered to sleep on the couch to make him more comfortable, and you would have thought I was the most wicked person on earth! I am not sure why that upset him, but it did. Ugh!!! I am a caring person, but after a while with him my sympathy runs out. Men. They can be so strong, and such babies all at the same time.

Reflections

Yesterday was Emma's first birthday. I cannot believe that a year has passed already! It's a happy moment, and yet a sad one as well. I want my little girls to stay little, but time just keeps moving on. In all reality I understand that they have to grow and change into young women. Eventually some day they will be all grown up, maybe married, and possibly with children of their own. I think that's a hard reality to face for any mother, and I think it's an emotion you cannot truly understand until you have kids of your own. I do know that as each year passes I will try my hardest to support them through every decision, and allow them to lead the life they feel is best (within reason, of course! ha ha!)

All said and done, I am proud of my family, my life. There have been so many people along the way, even my closest family members, who have questioned and criticized my decisions. I think back to all of the hurtful things that were said when I became pregnant with Ellie by those who were supposed to support me the most...Or the reaction of some when I got married...or changed majors in college...or stayed with Kevin when he worked on the road no matter how hard it was. It seems that so many had an opinion to give ( I won't list names), with very few (Sarah, Daddy, Jill, Jen) just holding my hand through it all and supporting me. I wonder if those who forcefully gave their opinion regret those words now, or if they still stand by what they said. Either way it makes no difference, I suppose. I am who I am, I do what I do, I love who I love, and I live my life as I feel I should. I have grown thick skin due to others actions...and I have come to realize that is not totally a bad thing. I hope my girls have thick enough skin to follow their hearts as well...though I DO hope that I am NOT the one who causes it to thicken. I will offer my opinion when asked, I will always fight for their safety...but I will NOT put my predetermined notions and expectations onto their shoulders. Those are for me to deal with, and my insecurities are NOT the issue of my children. I want to be a lifelong mommy, who is always just a phone call away, who becomes a friend in later years.

So my dear Emma, and my darling Ellie, live your lives!! I love you both so dearly, and have enjoyed watching my little angels grow and change. I will always be your mommy, and nothing will ever take away the love for you that fills my heart.

Our Trip Home

Kevin, Ellie, Emma and I just got back from our very short trip to Michigan. We left at 8am on Thursday the 1st, arrived in Alma MI (mother in laws) at 3:00am. I then went to Manistee to see Sarah from Friday to Saturday and then drove back to Alma for the family Christmas party on Saturday morning. Suddenly it was time to go home...Left at 7am or so and got into MN at about 10pm. Whew!! I don't think I have ever been so sick of driving in all of my life!! Oh, and I have to say that Wisconsin is the most uninteresting state to drive through that I have ever been in! You can't even make conversation because there is nothing outside the windows to talk about except bad drivers and snow. Ugh! Still, the trip was a learning experience... I learned many things, listed below:

1) Emma does NOT like riding in the car. Ellie did wonderfully, and she has always been pretty good with trips. Not so with Emma. She was PISSED OFF.

2) Kevin does not make small talk well after about 5 hours of driving. Neither do I.

3) Portable DVD players are a gift from the cosmos. I should buy stock in them.

4) Don't stop at the Perkin's in Black River Falls, WI. We spent over an hour waiting for our food. No joke. Our waitress was older than Moses and moved half as fast. We waisted 2 hours there total.

5) 1 night isn't enough time to catch up with your best friend when you haven't seen her in 2 years...but when you're good friends you can pick up a conversation like it's only been days since you've seen each other. I love that.

Sooooo....that's just a glimpse at some of the new information I now have. For all of those I didn't get to see when I was in MI I am so sorry and I am going to try to get back after the snow. Please don't think I didn't want to see you all, I did...but our time was so short and family duty called. But I love you ALL!!!!